I am a gay man. Thought I might be bisexual, but no. I mean I guess I might be a Kinsey 5.75, buy yeah, pretty much gay. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t love my daughter’s mother. I did. And I am so grateful that I am not one of those so-called Gold Card Gays.
We didn’t work out but we gave it a good try. And in the bargain I got a daughter.
I discovered something when she was a baby though…. I seem to be missing something. Some gene….
Everyday I see people posting about their children. On and on, photographs, aren’t they cute, etc. And without thought, without resentment, without thinking about it, their children are first first first in their lives. Jayli truly nearly drove me insane when she went through her colic stage. Other parents poo-pooed it as a minor thing. I thought I might jump off a building!
But thank God I have her. Thank God!
When her mother and I split, I didn’t do what a huge amount of gay men do. I didn’t run away. I didn’t—for instance—run off to Chicago (my sort of home town) and live a life of frolicking with the gays. I stayed in Kansas City. Jayli didn’t ask to be born. Why should she have a part time dad? A man she flied off to Chicago to see every other Christmas?
I would not do that to her!
So I stayed. And I tried to be the best dad I could be. I haven’t always been successful. Ask Jayli. I am sure she will tell you of my failings.
But I’ve tried. I’ve tried to do my best….
I remember her being born. I was there. I held her first. I stamped her little feet on the ink pad and then that sheet of paper from the hospital. I remember first birthday cakes. I remember her jumping on the coffee table with her pretend guitar and rocking out to Guns ‘N’ Roses Sweet Child of Mine.
I remember that Dad was the first thing she said.
I was there for graduations. Proms. First boyfriends and terrible breakups. I’ve always been there for her no matter what.
I gave her…ah…advise. I wanted to scream when she called me and asked—this was my daughter!—but I didn’t. I gave her the info she asked for. She thanked me for it later.
We can fight like cats and dogs. But in the end, I am so blessed.
I have a daughter!
And I love her with all my heart!
Ben aka BG Thomas