I love my life. I do. Again!
I started so many Facebook posts with how much I loved my life and people would comment and ask me how it is that I can stay so happy. Many it was because I surrounded my life with Sangha.
Now in Buddhism, Sangha refers primarily to, in the words of monk Thich Nhat Hanh, as “…a community of friends practicing the dharma together in order to bring about and to maintain awareness….” What it has come to mean to me, through my studies and through my life, as like-minded community. People who believe as I do so that when I forget what I believe in, they’re there to remind me. And my job is to do the same for them.
For some reason I lost my Sangha. I lost those people who reminded me to be what I believe in. Circumstances had a lot to do with it. My job changed my schedule so I could no longer practice my Spiritual beliefs with my like-minded community. Then there was the Evil Team Leader who wanted nothing more than to make me miserable. You often spend more waking hours with those you work with than those that you love and chose to spend your life with, so that was hard! My supervisor was completely indifferent to what was going on, so that made it even worse.
The love of my life is a loner. He is not a social creature. He picks his companions and his friends with great thought and forethought. Once you’re in his Circle (his Sangha) then he will die for you. But R also still need an incredible amount of alone time. Me? I am a very social person and need lots of time with people.
Circumstances took them away. A lot of them have died. I have lost so many friends. Cancer. Aneurysms. AIDS. Strokes. And those friendships that had to end because they had gone to a stage where they were causing more harm than good.
I let it all get to me. My community was pretty much gone.
It was around this time that I decided to do my one year blog called 365 Days of Silver….
Elizabeth North, one of my True Guides and Gurus, noted that she found it…interesting…that I chose that year to write my blog about finding the Silver Lining in every day. My response was that I think it was how I survived that year! She thought that was a good answer.
Then last year was just as difficult. I just didn’t have the energy to do the blog again. However, something was happening. I was opening myself up again to the possibilities of that wonderful life I’ve led for so many years.
And then it happened! Thank you Universe!
I got a new supervisor. I lady I really love and who believes greatly and mostly as I do. A woman who one day, when I was bitching and complaining and in near tears about what the Evil Team Leader was doing to me, stopped me dead and said, “Ben! You’ve got to stop! You can’t let him do this to you! This is killing you! I mean that! If you do not change this you are going to die. Do not let him have this power over you!”
I was furious! I stomped away. I was so angry! What I wanted to know was why she, and the previous supervisor, and the manager, let him get away with the sh*t he was doing to me! What did they mean by “let him have power over me?” He did have power over me! He was the team leader! He could do all kinds of stuff to me and I had no choice!
But then…. I don’t know how to explain it…. Then something happened.
Buddhism would call it a shining moment of Enlightenment.
So I went to her, about ten minutes after her comment, and we went to her office, and I asked her what she meant. I told her that he did have power over me. I asked why everyone let him get away with it. And then she told me a story of how a very similar thing had happened to her. A negative evil person threatened her well-being. And this is what she did….
She killed her “Evil Team Leader” with Kindness.
No matter how bad this Negative Person was in her life, she started every day by saying to her, “Good morning! How are you today?” And things like, “How was your evening?” “How was your weekend?” “Did you have a good time?”
And this person would snarl and snap and…. Then run out of energy. Because what does a Negative Person have to say to all of this?
And I thought, I know this! I know all of this! What she is saying is what I’ve done for years! But then thing was…I wasn’t doing it. Not anymore. I was letting the Evil Team Leader have control over my life! I was letting him get to me! I would say, “Why are you all letting him get away with this????” But the thing was, why was I letting him get away with it?
This is what I forgot….
Buddhism (and I really am not a Buddhist–not really) teaches what are called Noble Truths.
The First Noble Truth is that, “Life is Suffering.”
Seems pretty harsh, huh? Until we understand this Eastern Thought that is. What it means is, is that life is filled with the bad as well as the good…. And that leads to….
The Second Noble Truth.
And basically what that is, is that “We are the cause of that suffering.” Whoa! Even harsher? Until we understand this Eastern Thought that is. What it means is, is that how suffering is not caused by the rough turn of events (which happens and will always happen at one time or another) but by our reaction to those turns of events!
In other words…. Shit happens. Stuff we don’t like. So we have a choice! And our choice is how we react to that shit that happens! Because we can have bad stuff happen and the wallow in it…or we can find Silver Linings. We can say, “Okay…yeah…that sucks.” Losing our job sucks. Losing a lover sucks. Death sucks. Disease sucks. A house burning down sucks. Losing that promotion sucks–that we heartily deserved! It sucks!
Luckily I have a choice! I have a choice of how I am going to react to that kaka! So I wallow in it? Or do I take it as a fact of life and move on? Do I pick it up and spread it all over me or do I acknowledge that, yes, it sucks and I don’t like it and don’t have to be happy about it. But I have to move on.
Because experience in this life of mine has shown me this!
It does get better. It always does.
I look back at my life and I see some real and horrible lows. But I also see times that were shining wondrous Silver! And every single time I have reminded myself that this horrible thing WILL indeed pass, it gets easier. It does! I have proof! Because in my life it has always gotten better!
Now forearmed with this knowledge I can bear anything! Because I know it will get better!
And here is what else has happened!
The Evil Team Leader!
He is losing all control! I have taken my power back! And this is how I did it!
No matter what that f*cker does to me? Why I say, “Okay! Whatever you say boss!” He gives me some horrible job to do that he knows that I hate and will ruin my day and…. I do it and while I am doing it I dance around and smile and sing songs like….
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright
And it kills him! Because what is he going to do about it? The answer? There is nothing he can do! Bit by bit, he is losing all control.
Each morning I say, “Hey! How are you this find morning? Did you have a nice evening/weekend? Hope you had a good time!”
And what can he say? I’ve put it all in his court!
And everyone is watching him. And they’re laughing at him. And everything is backfiring on him. And indifferent managers are paying attention. And they don’t even see that they are doing it…but they are supporting me! And they are laughing at him. And he tries to get me into trouble and nothing happens. They’re starting to blow him off!
Here is another VERY important thing my supervisor and I discussed. I told her that I truly believed that the ETL was in my life for a reason. That there was a lesson I had to learn. And that if I didn’t learn it, he was going to be thrown into my life over and over again until I learned it. He might have a different name and come in a different body. But he was going to be there. If I won the lottery and could write full time, there was going to be that Evil Person who wanted to tear me down. But I didn’t know what I was supposed to learn!
And now I am seeing it! OMGOSH! I am seeing it clearly! I am seeing all the obstacles in my way!
There will be obstacles in my path for the rest of my life. I can see around and moan and complain and tell everyone how bad my life is. Or I can see it as something that will pass and I will get through it. Because I have before. And I have had Evil People in my life before! What did I do? Why for goodness sake! I killed them with kindness! I’ve done it before! How did I forget???
Do I think that the Evil Team Leader had been won over and my problems there are done with? Heck no! But now I have finally reached that point where things are getting better–just as they have before. The rocky road is leveling out. And I am in many ways responsible for that.
I believe that what we think about, we bring about. And when I spent all my hours and days thinking about how horrible this stuff was? Why I was thinking about it! And what I thought about…I brought more of into my life! The Universal Law of Attraction doesn’t perceive anything. It is like gravity. The Law of Attraction is sending back to me what I am thinking about. And if I think about Good, and stop DWELLING one The Evil Team Leader and What He Is Doing To Me, then that Law will stop sending that stuff to me. When I think LovE, then LOVE will come back to me!
And it is! That’s a very good thing for a romance writer. Because how can I write about love when I am not feeling love?
I did write. But it was difficult. And what I was writing was stories about men who were coming though horrible stuff! For instance, everything that Wyatt went through in Winter Heart? Why it was stuff I went through! How could I write light loving happy laughing love stories when I was going through all I was going through. On the other hand, writing that stuff helped me work through it.
Now? Oh my gosh! I am writing writing writing! All the time! I am writing more than I have in years! It is pouring out of me! And it is happy stuff! Light and bright and Happily Every After Stuff!
And bit by bit, I am getting it all again! I am loving my life again.
I am remembering to Love My Life again! And my focus is on Love! And what I am thinking about…I am bringing about!
And I am leaping! I am leaping and knowing and trusting that the Net Will Appear. It is appearing! Every day!
Thank You Universe for bringing that supervisor to me that has so helped me turned my life around. And I am so thankful that I started wanting the right thing. I started remembering what I believed! And FAST she came right to me! FAST!
I love my life! And I know everything is going to start falling into place again.
I am going to imagine every dream I have coming true for me. I am going to believe. I already am believing it. It’s happening!
And I know this. When the bad stuff happens again? If it does? Well it will pass! I can chose how I react to it.
In the meantime? Look out Universe! Because Ben is getting his groove back.
Watch out! You aren’t going to believe what I’ve got up my sleeve.
I am going to knock you out!
Want to join me?
Ben aka BG Thomas