“Walk a Mile in My Pradas” — A Movie Review

Hey! Looking for a new holiday movie? Looking for a *gay* holiday movie? I mean they’re a rare treat to find.

Well if you are, then PLEASE do NOT see—for your own sake—“Walk a Mile in My Pradas.”

Oh, dear what a horrible film, and on so many levels. I can forgive the low budget. So many “gay” movies have a low budget. But this movie? Well, it bordered on downright offensive.

I mean the acting—and it really can’t be called acting—was terrible. But I will get back to that….

So let’s skip the acting. Let’s say the writer was helping his friends and wanted to make this film and they all stepped in and did the job for free, including Dee Wallace and Tom Arnold (both who are very competent actors and who sucked in this movie). Let’s go on to that script. 

OFFENSIVE!

Here is the plot line. A magical Christmas ornament has the power to grant wishes. There is an obnoxious homophobic straight man who makes the wish that the gay guy was straight so he wouldn’t be so disgusting and the gay guy wishes the straight guy was gay so he would know what it was like to be gay. Good premise? I thought so.

But it isn’t that they change their sexual attractions. It’s that they suddenly become hideously stereotypically “gay” and “straight.” The gay guy stops on a walk and helps a man fix his car, picks up a board and pretends to play the guitar, hates his clothes, calls his lover “queenie,” orders large meat lover’s pizzas with pepperoni and meatballs (as if those don’t come with meat lover’s pizzas—and as if such pizzas are more “manly”) puts on boxing gloves and shadow boxes, and shouts at TV screens showing sports. And the straight guy stops to smell roses, gets a manicure, acts prissy, holds out his pinkie while drinking cocktails, can no longer play sports, and decides Martha Stewart is wonderful and begins cooking souffles. And both make rude comments to people they’re attracted to. As if what makes these men gay or straight is being stereotypical (“I’d like to bang her like a screen door in a hurricane.”).

Now back to the “acting.” I see movies with acting this bad and I just can’t understand how these people got jobs. Here in Kansas City where I live, I go to local plays at such places as The Unicorn and the Living Room, and I am blown away by the local talent. So, if there are actors this good in the mid-west, surely there is some downright awesome talent in Hollywood where many films are made, right? And we all know there are tons of out of work actors waiting tables (and waiting for a job) and many would be *happy* to work for equity. So HOW are these simply HORRIBLE actors getting jobs? Would I offend you, the reader, by saying that I think there was some sleeping around going on?

Both the main actors (Nathaniel Marston as Tony and Tom Archdeacon as Steve) are beyond terrible. I had to check and see if they wrote and/or directed the film in order to get their parts. And yes, Tom Archdeacon was co-writer—he was willing to admit it! Mr. Archdeacon had about as much chemistry with his boyfriend (Emrhys Cooper) as a rock does with a tennis shoe. I would say Mr. Cooper is the worst actor I’ve ever seen, except there’s their gay best friends (Eric Casaccio and Jabari Jones) who are so bad it actually hurts. I can only assume they aren’t actors at all, and just stepped in to help out a friend (Mr. Archdeacon?). Tony’s girlfriend Sarah (Kirsten Lea) is pretty horrible as well. Everyone was bad.

This movie could have been so clever! And instead it instantly degraded into offensive stereotypes. Mr. Archdeacon? For shame! For shame!

Even the music was bad, especially the songs. I mean I had to mute the movie while the songs played.

At least the ending sort of shapes up. It’s almost as if someone else stepped in and rewrote the ending. But it’s not worth it. Don’t see this film. Save your time. And save your sanity.

 

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