I AM SO HAPPY WITH MY SEASONAL TABLE THIS YEAR!!

And I mean really, really happy. I used to set up the dining room with a rotating assemblage of dishes depending on the time of year, but R wasn’t into the whole set-up-seasonal-decorations-thing or taking them down and it’s a TON of work and I just got to the point where I Continue reading

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SO EVERYTHING IS GOOD! REALLY GOOD!

I met the doctor and found out everyone I talked to that he is the best of the best. Everyone said so! That was good. Then he asked if he could do the situation with a robot and told me why. I was excited and got nervous when I found out he’d only “done” it 150 times with one. But I was given a choice, and he admitted that he worked part time for the robot company and they wanted as many patients as possible to prove how much better they were, and I was nervous but come on! ROBOTS! How freaking cool is that?

The whole experience was bizarre. I was a little more awake this time. And OMG…I *felt* in my heart. I don’t think they believed me at first until I said, “…now…”and”…yeah, right *there…*” and they were impressed because it was more than the pain, and there was some, but I FELT it! It was a sort of…undulation. So, it’s robots and now, what? Chest bursters?

Anyway, not chest bursters. And the one really scary thing, that two percent of patients die getting an angioplasty. That’s a small percentage, but Continue reading

SO HERE IS WHAT IS GOING ON…..

I woke up about 11:00 pm last night in considerable chest pain. I was worried I knew just what it was and tried to will the pain away. I took aspirin. It lasted about 5 minutes and then thankfully, it went away. I convinced myself it was heartburn.

But then I woke at 3:00 am and it was much worse and I knew. Got my bears up and they took me to St. Luke’s, which is only minutes away. The pain was really bad by then, I mean really bad, and only got worse and worse.

We got here and I needed help just to walk and it was a baffling journey to the ER. You would think it would be the easiest place in the building(s) to get to. We had to go though confusing sets of doors and take an elevator. To the Emergency Room! Continue reading

So…. Guess Where l Am and What I Did Last Night?

I am at Saint Luke’s Hospital. At about 3:00 am this morning I had a heart attack. It is around 6:00 am now and I already have my stents in. Wow! Has technology changed since 1998 when I had my first heart attack.

My two biggest complaints?

1) All female nurses (even though they’ve all been sweet) and not one studly orderly amongst the group. The things I must endure.

2) This hospital gown! My GAWD! It’s hideous! I wouldn’t be caught dead in this. No gold lamé. No chiffon. No taffeta. What has the world come to?

The good? That I have the love of two wonderful men taking care of me. I mean…. Wow.

Updates to follow.

Daddy Bear is tired.

World AIDS Day: HIV/AIDS and Me

I came out the second and true time in roughly 1990. I was thirty. This was after realizing as much as I loved the mother of my child, that being gay was a lot more that liking sex with men. It meant LOVING men. It meant that I came to see that if I was paralyzed below the neck and could never have sex again, I would still want any romantic partner I had to be a man. That the very concepts of coming home from work to a man and waking up with a man on the other side of the bed was more than something I *liked* … it was something I *needed.*

It was the shock of hearing something that hit me to the bone—a good shock. She said she hated the word homosexual because it said that all glbt people were, were sexual. And that she liked the word homoemotional. It was world changing for me. I cried. A good kind of cry. Because I saw the truth. You can be homosexual from birth, but you aren’t gay until you are proud of who you are. And I am proud of who I am.

Coming out was wonderful. Embracing who I really am was BEYOND wonderful. But it came with a few shocks. That gay cancer rumors? The disease they were calling GRID (Gay-related immune deficiency)? Holy f*ck…. It wasn’t a rumor.

It was real.

And the gay friends I was making? They were dying. Almost as fast as I could make them. Continue reading

🐻🐻🐻 Today is National HUG a Bear Day!! 🐻🐻🐻

No! Really. It is!

Of course this happened to honor our furry stuffed animal friends that got us through many a rough or tough or sad situation growing up…our teddy bears (or their equivalent).

Through scary nights or hospital stays or life tragedies we had trouble understanding, our teddies always lent an ear and were there to hug no matter what.

And during this time of year where we reflect on all we have to be thankful for, and on this day, National Hg a Bear Day, I am thankful for bears.

The kind l cuddled when Continue reading

GRATEFUL! THANKFUL! BLESSED!

A few years ago did a blog called “365 Days of Silver,” where I managed, every single day for a year, to post something that I was grateful for. And here it is November, a beginning of a season where we traditionally do just think of all the things we are grateful for.

NUMBER ONE

I am thankful, so thankful, for a God that *I* can believe in. Not a mean Old Man Up There in the Sky who has set me up for failure and says that I am born into sin because of two people who are supposed to have done something terrible in a Garden thousands of years ago. A god that sets up a minefield and expects me to navigate through it to prove…well I’m not sure what. No. I believe in a God Who Created me just as I am, that way I am supposed to be, with everything that comes up with it (which I of course I will list in the days to come). A God Who is Agape—pure and unconditional love. Not that “unconditional love” I learned about growing up Baptist that sure had a heck of a lot of conditions. That unconditional love *except* for….that gay business or that poly thing or all those other etc etc etc reasons. Unconditional Love. I think that is Number One!

NUMBER TWO

I am thankful—so thankful—for Continue reading