I gotta chuckle over this. Did you? I hope you weren’t offended. Maybe upset thinking of such a young “innocent” boy looking at another male. Maybe you’re thinking that someone that young doesn’t know he’s gay. But that is the thing. He could be. And he is, innocent. There is nothing wrong with what he is feeling. Nothing at all. It is perfect natural.
.
Yup. But I am here to tell you that this is pretty much the way it is. A lot of young men do know what it is they are feeling. Although like me, he might not realize what the heck it was he was feeling. Especially if he grows up in an environment where for one reason or another, admitting what he is feeling might not be safe.
I myself was terribly naïve and I had no real grasp that I was noticing something or feeling something any different than anyone else. Religion will do that.
What I did know was that my friends were looking at girls the same way. Even when I was young. I know by the time I was in junior high, boys would tell me that they loved sneaking their father’s skin magazines. And even younger, trying to see girls in their underwear when their sister had a sleepover birthday party. This was not an obsession. Grade schoolers cared much more about Godzilla. The girl thing was an interest that would sneak up on them. And that too is perfectly natural.
For a straight boy to do such things that is. For a boy who is going to grow up and want sex with other males? That is not normal. Instead, they’re going to be looking at other males and getting crushes on the hot high school boy next door mowing the lawn without a shirt.
Now with me, I didn’t realize what I was doing. And the boys pictured in this post might not realize what they are doing either.
Might seem hard to believe, but it sure was true with me. I would look and not fully comprehend that what I was feeling was attraction. For me it was because I was very interested in art in high school, I convinced myself I was only interested in naked boys because of art. The line of muscle. Shadow and light. I was fooling myself. Or I would convince myself I was looking at the boys in the shower because I admired their ability to get themselves into such good shape and I wish I looked like them.
Reasoning like this fully explains why some men don’t come out until way late in life. Even when they get to the point where they do realize what is happening, they can still talk themselves into believing it is something else.
In the last five or so years, I’ve watched some of my favorite movies from childhood, and I was shocked at the memories that came back to me. Memories of being fascinated by nearly naked characters. Male characters. I didn’t care one white about the nearly naked princesses. Memories came back of me actually tilting my head trying to see up the pants legs of very short shorts. Movies like Journey to the Center of the Earth, Atlantis the Lost Continent, and Mysterious Island. Considering when these movies were made, it is rather shocking how much skin was shown, and that it is the males usually showing that skin and not the ladies. Who were the movie makes showing all this skin for? These movies were made in a time where women would never admit it was for them. I would love to know what was going on. Were the directors gay and getting a quite thrill over their star’s exposed skin>
He certainly doesn’t go by George! His mother didn’t even call him that. He was her “jewel” and that’s how she referred to him. And “him”? Well, he’s not sure. Jewel’s comfortable enough being a he, just not the same boring “he” as his father (who abandoned him when he was about ten years old).
Named specifically to pay tribute to the creators of these dolls. Carson is the “actual” last name of Ken, his full name being Kenneth Sean Carson. And Barbie was the idea of co-founder and co-creator, Ruth Handler nee Mosko. It was her idea that turned Mattel from a tiny company to a Fortune 500 company selling billions of dollars worth of dolls.
Now this guy I bought, at a fairly decent price on eBay. See, I decided that maybe, just maybe, Kenneth and Allan—my first two Little People—needed a special friend.
I know more about them and thinking of putting together a little soap opera about my (Mattel) men and post the “chapters” here. Thanks to all of you who are playing along, and special thanks to Chris Miles and Kathy Hamilton for suggesting the names I fell for!
The Three Bears went shopping and we came home, Amazon had left me with these two guys! R and Noah totally and completely deny that they ordered them, and I pretty much believe them. R actually seemed a little annoyed (we are supposed to be getting rid of stuff and not bringing more into the house) and Noah, well, you cannot hint to him that you might like something, you have to tell him directly.
They have already told me a little about themselves. That is what happens to authors, right fellow-authors? The little people in our heads talk to us, we couldn’t write if they didn’t!
(this is romance, you know the ultimate fate of course – and I am a strict believer in happily-ever-after!)
B G Thomas - writer 